One morning several weeks ago I woke up.

This isn’t astounding or anything since I’ve woken up every morning for 8,786 consecutive days now. However, something life changing happened. It wasn’t a revelation, or an ah-ha moment. I can’t point to the exact second it occurred, but I woke up that morning and I knew something: It was time to grow up.

Growing up means different things to different people. In a lot of ways, I grew up at a very early age. I was an only child surrounded by adults. I developed a dry sense of humor, and became interested in “adult things” like news and politics early in life so that I could participate in conversations.

In other ways, I’ve stalled in the growing up department, at least by societies standards. I live at home with my parents, drive their car, and eat their food. Lots of people my age also do this, but most of them left for a few years during college… I was only gone 9 months.

Yet, on this one morning several weeks ago, there was something deep inside me saying, “you’re ready to grow up, be a man, and get married.”

I think for most people, there would be a deeply-seeded anxiety when those words were whispered into their souls. For me, it was hard to control my excitement and relief that God was finally calling me to the next great thing in life.

Then, it all came crashing down.

Unexpectedly, Suzie, my long-time love and best companion, dropped completely out of my life because she found someone else. With that, a lot of lessons have been learned through the heart-break.

One particular statement the morning after she left my life stands out however. Rick, the candidate with whom I’m working for, told me that “This is where God is going to turn you into a man. He’s going to take some of the false things that you think about yourself, and show you the truth.”

Another statement, from Barbara, my “other mother,” told me that “The woman for you is right around the corner, whether that’s Suzie or someone else.” It’d be easy to dismiss her words, which she told me just minutes after seeing Suzie walk away for the last time. But, somehow, someway, I was at peace with them and believed her, because they confirmed everything I realized that one morning several weeks ago.

It’s been about a month now since my world came crashing down. I’m still not sure what’s going to happen next. To be honest, I’m not sure the door with Suzie has been completely shut — but then again, that could just be my emotions talking. The two of us spoke for the first time the other night. It was both calming and upsetting, and my heart and mind have been in constant conflict over the two emotions since.

I’ve grown up a lot in the last few weeks, most of it has been uncomfortable — and forced. But, looking back, I can see the progress I’ve made. So much of me wants to call Suzie up and point out every little area that I’ve improved. But, that’s not the point. This is something that had/has to be done completely apart from her. That said, I miss her companionship, and just telling her the 1,000 little things that make up my day… the things no one else cares about. I miss her laying on my chest while watching the Bachelor, or a movie.

Talking to Suzie, I’ve seen the progress she’s made as well, and I’m proud of her. I just wish it didn’t have to be this heart-wrenching… with another guy reaping the benefits. 

No one said growing up was easy… but I sure as hell didn’t know it was this hard.

I’m not yet at that corner that Barbara foretold… but I can see it off in the distance. I wonder what, and more importantly, who is around it?

This is likely the third or fourth post in recent months I’ve begun with the words “It’s been awhile since my last post.” I’m now roughly producing just one post a month, likely an all-time low since I started writing on the web eight (or so) years ago. I’ve always had a good excuse for why I haven’t been writing, but this time I’ve got the best… I’ve become a campaign staffer.

First, I should update those of you who are curious about the result of my last “life update” post. The Vegas job didn’t come through, and while I’m still considering a move to Vegas, or elsewhere, it’s been put off until at least November. Should we win this election, it will be put off indefinitely.

In late February I took on the task of working on the campaign website for Rick Dancer, a Republican candidate for Oregon Secretary of State. While I have a working knowledge of Oregon politics, and am an amateur web designer, I have never taken on a project of this scale; and what has made the project all the more exciting, if not completely daunting, is that I was to work with a clean slate and create a web strategy for a campaign from scratch.

I got hooked up with Rick through Epinoia Café, an online community that my pastor and I formed about two years ago to discuss our questions about God, religion, and life. Rick, then a lead news anchor for one of the local television stations asked if I could help him create a personal blog. I acted as his webmaster up until his announcement to run for office, which is when he asked if I’d continue to work with him.

Without any hesitation, I said yes. I’d been dying to get a true web client to add to my portfolio, as well as a deep desire to get back into the world of Oregon politics.

Rick, while running on the Republican ticket, is a very independent thinking individual; you have to be if you’re a public figure from Eugene, Oregon. Many journalists and bloggers think of him as the “republican sacrificial lamb,” since the last non-democrat elected to one of the states’ three highest offices (Governor, Secretary of State, & Treasurer), was more than a decade ago. But, he is no such thing. As a journalist for more than 20-years he investigated the legislature, politicians, and government agencies. He also strove to give people a voice in their community.

The Secretary of State is most well known for overseeing elections and auditing of the government; the same things Rick did as a journalist. He is committed to ensuring, and increasing, public participation in the governing process. He is no politician; and while most political insiders see that as his weakness, it is his greatest strength.

What it all boils down to however, is Rick is in an uphill battle. He is running as a Republican in a State that hasn’t voted for a Republican in over a decade, in addition to it being considered by media pundits around the country a very bad year to be a member of the party. Additionally, the Oregon Republican Party is in no place to give Rick the financial support it would take to win a statewide seat.

However, I believe that Rick Dancer is the real deal. Not only as a candidate, but as a human being, who more than anything cares about people.

What began as a simple and typical campaign website, turned into a multi-media platform. I’m proud of the strategy that we’ve come up with which has formed rather organically.

My roll has grown from being “the web guy” to “communications guy” to now something more. Spending nearly every hour of my day (save for when I’m working my “real job” at the newspaper) at the campaign office or on the campaign trail with Rick.

It has been a truly awesome experience, and one I plan to continue to keep my blog readers up to date on in the future.

I’m a romantic when it comes to democracy. Early on in college I immersed myself in greek literature and philosophy, and I’ve studied early American history. To say the least, I know my civics.

I’ve often felt that it’s not only a right of every American, but an obligation to vote — and not just vote, but vote knowledgeably. If people put half the time into considering who they’d support in their local, regional, and national elections as they did into watching and voting on American Idol or Dancing with the Stars, we’d be a much better nation.

But despite our nations overall ignorance and apathy, I’ve tended to hold onto my romantic idealism when it comes to “one vote making a difference;” And maybe, one vote still can make a difference, but when it comes to presidential politics, what’s the point anymore?

For me, it’d be a bit of a stretch to say both parties are the same. They’re similar in many instances, but they still have their key differences. The problem with the parties however, regardless of their dis/similarity is that neither one represents the American people anymore. (If they ever did to begin with?)

One thing is for sure… neither party represents me. Nor do I see how any political party ever could, unless I created a party of one. (And is a party of one really a party?) People are too different. There may be plenty of single issue voters out there (i.e. abortion or gun rights) that feel they can fit into their party, but overall I think most people are hybrids of several different political philosophies (Yes, there are more than two). Personally, I’m never going to agree with one party 100-percent of the time. Hell, 50-percent of the time would be an amazing feat.

So, despite the fact that I’m registered as a member of one of the parties (per Oregon primary rules, so that I can vote for Obama on May 20th), I am truly independent. I’ve never voted strictly down a party line — nor do I ever want to be one of those people who says “I could never vote for a democrat (or republican).”

Getting to the point of this post, if Clinton somehow overtakes Obama using the super delegates to do so — and wins the Democratic nomination — setting up a McCain/Clinton general election, I won’t be casting a vote.

I’ve made no secret of my support for Barack Obama, in the primary and in the general election. I feel that he is the breath of fresh air that this country so desperately needs. He is this generations John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy or Martin Luther King Jr. And when it comes down to it, whether you agree with his policies or not, it cannot be denied that Obama has the rare gift of inspiring thousands upon thousands to act.

On the other hand, Hilary Clinton is a product of the political machine. Over the last two decades, she has been groomed to be a legitimate Presidential Candidate, doing and saying all the right things, building up relationships with the “right people,” and always using her Senate vote to garner more popularity. (In 2002, voting yes on the Iraq war was the popular thing to do).

In and of itself, being a part of the political elite would not make you a poor elected official. But, when is enough enough? Since the days of Tammany Hall, political machines have been set up to groom and polish candidates for public consumption, only for the public to later realize that the person they elected is a fraud.

Is it any wonder why elected officials are among the least trusted people on the planet?

Isn’t it time to support someone who communicates to the American public as adults, and doesn’t buy into blind patriotism (i.e. wearing a flag pin), but is rather a true patriot who has spent a lifetime helping those who’ve been disenfranchised by other politicians who were more concerned with making English “the official language” of the United States and other trivialities?

Finally, John McCain is absolutely NOT a member of the political machine. The fact that he won the Republican nomination is a miracle in my book. I was one of the strongest McCain supporters in the 2000 primary (despite the fact I was not of age to vote), and continued to believe in him and support him through 2004. You could say I was a McCainiac, waiting for the day he’d be able to run for president again.

Now that day is here, I’ve been completely turned off by the political maneuvering McCain has done in order to win the nomination.

What made McCain my ideal candidate in 2000, was the fact that he was not a member of, nor did he cater to the Religious Right. He was a maverick who blazed his own path. However, in order to win the nomination in 2008, McCain learned from “mistakes” made in the 2000 primary, and changed his ways in attempt to win the Religious Right over; as a result, McCain has turned into a “Bush’s third term” candidate.

I understand that politics is a game, and to be electable you have to cater to various groups that often conflict with each other. But the 2008 version of McCain is absolutely not the 2000 version I supported; and while I feel a lot of it is strictly primary season maneuvering to win the nomination, McCain is now in bed with some people who will hold him to his primary campaign promises.

In the end, for America to be able to improve over the next four years, I feel our ONLY choice is Obama. The same old politics don’t work anymore, and I hope that Americans haven’t become apathetic or numb to the point of realizing that it can change this year by voting for Obama.

I’ve really fallen off the horse as far as this blogging thing lately, huh? Well, sometimes the words just don’t flow naturally, and as I’ve said before; I’d rather write nothing then force crap. Anyway, in fear of sounding like a persona, I know that a lot of you out there keep tabs on me via the blog, so here’s the scoop…

I Josh Kagi, one of the most introverted and introspective people on the planet, has applied for a position at a news organization in Las Vegas.

A month ago, I wouldn’t have entertained the thought of moving to Vegas for a second. And most the people I’ve mentioned this to have raised an eyebrow when they realize that “I may move to Vegas” came out of my mouth. It’s funny how the right (or wrong) timing can play such a huge role on the outcome of our lives.

The proposition came to me during one of the crappiest weeks of my life. So, the idea of getting away seemed ideal. Yet, even as a couple weeks have passed, I’m still in love with the idea of moving to the Nevada desert, so I know that the thrill of the thought of moving wasn’t solely based in a poor emotional state.

A couple of friends and former co-workers at Camp Arrah Wanna were originally planning on getting a place with me here in Eugene this summer. However, a couple weeks ago they called to tell me that instead they were moving to Las Vegas. This honestly crushed me, as the one thing that was holding me together emotionally was knowing that two close friends would soon be my roommates. During the conversation, they asked that I come with them. I said I’d look into it, though deep down I had no intention at the time of actually entertaining the thought.

Needless to say, after initially feeling disappointment, I wondered what I really had to lose looking into the Vegas job market; which is where I discovered the perfect job, doing creative page design for a large Vegas media company.

I absolutely love working for The Register-Guard, here in Eugene, and can see myself being an editor or page designer for most of my career. The job in Vegas is the next logical step along that career path, and even more, it just feels like the right fit, at the right time.

So, I’ve sent off my resume and now must wait until the April 17th closing date for the job posting. After-which I hope to get an interview and then the job!

Despite being so far off my original blogging schedule, it is Wednesday, and I chose to write and post this on “Wednesday is for Wishes” because, right now, getting this job is my biggest dream within reach. If you pray, toss up a prayer for me.

It feels right, but what is making this so hard now is the long wait until the next step of the process.

Ever since Bejing was announced as the host of the 2008 Summer Olympics there have been calls to boycott the games due to the violence in Tibet. In recent weeks, those calls for boycott have grown louder and louder — even briefly encompassing my views.

However, as horrible as the situation in Tibet is, boycotting the Games will not change anything. The nations of the world should embrace the games for what they’ve been for over a century (and for a long period a couple of millennia before that); an event that promotes peace and shared joy and sorrow through sports.

You’re probably thinking I’m either ignorant of the true situation in Tibet, or possibly, I’m just an arrogant American who wants to watch us dominate the world in most sports yet again. Actually, it’s neither. I think in order to bring change to Tibet, and a lesser extent Taiwan, the opposite of a boycott should occur; we should overrun the country with every form of media and expose the closed and corrupt Chinese government for what they really are.

Recently, the Chinese government announced that it would not allow foreign media to shoot live shots or broadcasts of Tiananmen Square during the Olympic Games.

The Chinese Communist Party anticipates protests of their government during the games, and likely fears a second Tiananmen Square Massacre, this time shown to the world in the era of the 24 hour news networks.

The action of closing down foreign media proves the CCP’s absolute fear of free media and free-thinking individuals (i.e. the student protesters, the Tibetan monks, etc.). By boycotting the games, we’re limiting the access that our journalists have even further.

Instead of a boycott, we should send every willing journalist to China during the Olympics. Not only to cover the Games themselves, but to uncover the lies of the CCP and expose their fraud to the world. Break every rule and ignore every threat that the Chinese government places on the media.

The Chinese government would be well within their rights to jail journalists. But, would they? Especially when the entire world is watching and judging their every move? I’m not sure they would.

The result would be a wealth of information available to the world that would rally every nation to demand Tibet’s freedom, or at the very least, their protection.

Boycotting the Games only turns a blind eye. Embracing the Olympics (not China), could be the catalyst that brings the change.

I discovered something about myself today — or more appropriately, I realized something that I do whenever I’m down. I spend a couple days redesigning my website. It’s my therapy, I suppose. Kinda like a day at the spa for some people… just in my own nerdy way. I enjoy designing and being creative, and thus every time I’m really down, a new design is a source of healing.

This new design is despite of the fact that I absolutely LOVED my previous design. I wouldn’t put it past me to go back to it at some point, but for now, we’re on to my variation of Derek Punsalan’s The Unstandard, which in unoriginal fashion, I’ve dubbed “Devilish Standard”. (My version is not available for re-distribution, please visit Derek’s site to download his original).

Much like my previous design, my current theme is very graphically intensive on the front page, which was the main draw of using Derek’s theme as my starting point.

To this point there have been very few structural changes on my design from Derek’s original work. I did however go from a white theme, to a dark dark brown. This probably has a lot to do with my current mood lately, but really, I just love brown. (What does that say about my personality, that brown is one of my two favorite colors?)

There are still a lot of small details to get worked out in the coding. I also plan on adding a “social tab” at the bottom of the homepage which will feature links, asides, and probably a last.fm widget showing off my music listening habits.

On the homepage on the sidebar, you’ll notice a new “Most Popular” section. This will feature the posts that are most commented, viewed, and shared.

Welcome to the new DevilishDuck.com, and once again, I ask that you please pardon the dust while the kinks get worked out.

Call me Mr. Obvious, but I haven’t been blogging much lately, despite good intentions. It’s been a rough 2008, a rougher month of March, and an even rougher week.

Going into this calendar year, I knew it would be a year of breaking, stretching, renewing, and severe change. So much hung in the balance; from my long term relationship with Suzie, to my continued education, to the way I approached my spiritual growth, to my money and living situations.

I just didn’t know it was going to get this hard this quick.

In fact, so much has come at me, that for the first time in my life, I’ve found myself in that deep and dark state of absolute depression. It’s been really hard, and I admire anyone who has persevered through this state for long periods of time.

I’m constantly stressed, I’ve lost too much weight too quickly due to a lack of appetite, I’m constantly tired, and for the first time here (though Suzie has let me know) I am admitting that there are times where I lose control of myself and my actions, and let the emotions get the best of me — not to the point of hurting her, or myself, but just putting both of us in bad situations.

I need help.

The presidential primary in Oregon has officially kicked off. On short notice, Barack Obama spoke at events in the states three largest cities on Friday, including a morning event in Portland with over 13,000 people where New Mexico Governor, and former presidential candidate, Bill Richardson endorsed him. Another 4,000 attended a town hall meeting in Salem, while another 10,000, including myself, joined him in Eugene. This morning, Obama visited Medford where another several thousand people met him for his final Oregon stop on this particular trip.

It’s one thing to hear of these huge crowds on CNN — it’s entirely different to experience it.

Upon hearing the news of Obama’s Eugene appearance early Thursday morning, which would take place at 9:00 p.m. Friday night, with doors opening at 7:00; I decided that I would head down to the arena around 5:30 — allowing me to watch the first half of Oregon’s NCAA Tournament first round game. At 2:00 Friday I received a call that the line was already several blocks long. Worried I wouldn’t get to see Obama, I jumped into the car and got in line.

The boy scout in me reminded me to always be prepared, so knowing I’d be standing in line for several hours I loaded the iPod with a couple tv shows and a movie, grabbed a very old Walkman so I could check in on the basketball game, the book I’m working through, the newspaper, and a magazine. However, it wasn’t long before I was joined by several family and friends. I didn’t use a single item, with the exception of the radio which was used to occasionally check the score for everyone around us.

The line grew quickly, and it felt like what democracy must have been like for the ancient Greeks. With people showing up, just because of word of mouth — the crowd seemed to grow exponentially. Cars would pass, roll down their windows and ask “what’s going on?” And then nod with approval when told “Obama is here tonight!”

There was a buzz like I’ve rarely experienced, and never in politics. It felt much like the anticipation of a huge win over a Michigan or Oklahoma, like the Oregon football team has been fortunate to have in the last several years — but yet, it was vastly different. There was hope and expectation of something great.

The hours literally felt like just minutes, and soon we were inside the arena. The group of people I was with got to sit behind Obama (not TV behind, but to his back and off to the side). We were relatively close compared to most.

Apparently people who were in line around 4:30 were turned away. There as no more room. However, to Obama’s credit, he met with 3,000 or so people who stayed anyway, and gathered in a nearby soccer field to listen to the speech from outside Mac Court.

Obama’s speech was his typical stump. If you’ve seen any of his many speeches on CNN or any of the cable networks, you’ve likely already heard what was said last night. However, even though it wasn’t fresh content, being in the same venue as such a great orator — and with a crowd of people so ready for change — gave goosebumps.

I did not get to personally meet or shake hands with Obama, but I want to share the experience of a woman who spoke with Obama in Salem, as shared through her diary on Daily Kos:

I met Barack Obama today. Today was the 10th anniversary of our marriage, and rather than go out to a fancy restaurant for dinner, we decided to take our kids to witness history in the making. My family (Husband, Daughter-16, Daughter-14) and I attended the event in Salem, OR today, arriving at about 8:30A for the announced 11:30 doors open time. …

As Obama worked his way down the line, he efficiently glad-handed, smiled and thanked supporters for coming. When he got to us, my youngest shook his hand and thanked him for running. He said, “You’re very welcome.” I was next- I reached out to shake his hand saying, “Senator Obama, please talk more about the economy and the mortgage crisis. My mother is losing her home to foreclosure.” Obama stopped in front of me, still holding my hand. “What is the situation, how did it happen?” he asked. “She is moving in with us,” I responded, “She got into a bad loan, high rates, and couldn’t keep going when the economy tanked.” He asked, “Have you been able to get any help locally?” “No.” I said. Obama then talked about a number of non-profit organizations that could assist with the situation, and wished us luck in getting things settled. And he thanked me for coming out today. All the while, he held my hand, looked me right in the eye, and really listened. It was really amazing. I was teary-eyed and a bit shell-shocked when it was over.

My oldest was next. She shook his hand, and asked, “Senator Obama, what do you plan to do about the situation in Darfur and the refugees in Chad?” His response was immediate and unwavering. “We need to get conflagration troops on the ground, and a no-fly zone over the camps in Chad.” Then he shook her hand again. I was so proud of my girls! They officially granted Obama “Rock Star” status on the spot.

That in itself is what makes Obama so different. His willingness to stop, listen, inquire, and then give advice to those who’ve been disenfranchised from government.

Overall, Friday was a fantastic experience. I was fortunate enough to get to spend it with my mother, my grandfather, my pastor, a couple of close friends, and several other friends who I haven’t seen in ages — but bonded with because of this man and this movement.

For all those doubters out there: This movement is real.

I’ve been pretty busy lately, but I wanted to share a trio of excerpts from my political reading of the last 24 hours:

From The New Republic (subscription may be needed):

Clinton’s justification for this strategy is that she needs to toughen up Obama for the general election-if he can’t handle her attacks, he’ll never stand up to the vast right-wing conspiracy. Without her hazing, warns the Clinton memo, “Democrats may have a nominee who will be a lightening rod of controversy.” So Clinton’s offensive against the likely nominee is really an act of selflessness. And here I was thinking she was maniacally pursuing her slim thread of a chance, not caring–or possibly even hoping, with an eye toward 2012-that she would destroy Obama’s chances of defeating McCain in the process. I feel ashamed for having suspected her motives.

From the same TNR column, emphasis mine:

Clinton’s path to the nomination, then, involves the following steps: kneecap an eloquent, inspiring, reform-minded young leader who happens to be the first serious African American presidential candidate (meanwhile cementing her own reputation for Nixonian ruthlessness) and then win a contested convention by persuading party elites to override the results at the polls. The plan may also involve trying to seat the Michigan and Florida delegations, after having explicitly agreed that the results would not count toward delegate totals. Oh, and her campaign has periodically hinted that some of Obama’s elected delegates might break off and support her. I don’t think she’d be in a position to defeat Hitler’s dog in November, let alone a popular war hero.

And finally, some thoughts from Steve Novick who is running in the Democratic primary for Oregon’s Senate seat:

Candidate Steve Novick noted that Richard Nixon was impeached for warrantless wiretapping and lying to the American People. “If only out of his historical fairness to Richard Nixon, we have to launch impeachment proceedings against the president,” he said.

Spring Training is upon us, so it’s time for my annual predictions for the MLB season ahead. I only get about 50-percent of the division winners right, so if you put money down on my picks, don’t expect to get it back. As far as World Series, last year I had Cleveland beating the Mets… so at least I wasn’t too far off, with the Indians making it to the ALCS, while the Mets had to have one of the most epic collapses in baseball history to not make the playoffs on the last day of the season.

(Teams are listed in my predicted order of division finish. * denotes Wild Card)
NL WEST: Arizona, Los Angeles*, Colorado, San Diego, San Francisco
NL CENTRAL: Chicago, Milwaukee, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Houston, Pittsburgh
NL EAST: New York, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Florida, Washington

AL WEST: Anaheim, Seattle*, Oakland, Texas
AL CENTRAL: Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, Minnesota, Kansas City
AL EAST: Boston, New York, Tampa Bay, Toronto, Baltimore

NLDS: Cubs defeat Dodgers in five & Mets defeat Diamondbacks in five.
ALDS: Red Sox defeat Mariners in four & Indians defeat Angels in three.

NLCS: Cubs defeat Mets in seven.
ALCS: Red Sox defeat Indians in six.

WORLD SERIES: Chicago Cubs defeat Boston Red Sox in six.

We’ll finally get the World Series we should have had in 2003 with the two most cursed franchises in baseball, and because the baseball gods believe in symmetry, the Cubs will win a World Series exactly 100 years since their last championship.

OTHER PREDICTIONS:

• The team most likely to make a surprise playoff appearance: Tampa Bay — If they can beat back the Yankees and earn the wild card.
• No player will break 50 home runs, possibly verifying the end of the steroid era.
• The NL West will be the most competitive division with four teams within a half-dozen games of the division title going into September (only the Giants won’t compete).
• Hank Steinbrenner will open his mouth one (possibly way more) too many times and become more hated then his father.
• The NL will finally win the All-Star game, which will allow the Cubs to win the World Series at Wrigley Field.